…dying. Network TV is dying. Every year, our ratings get lower. Cable is killing us. The Internet is killing us. We’re canceling shows at an unprecedented rate. And what do we do? We sit around with our heads up our asses saying, “I don’t smell anything. Do you?” We put out a product that’s predictable and stale, and we wonder why no one’s watching. So now that you’ve depressed the shit out of us, what would you do? Okay. We need to look at the big picture. We need to make bold moves, change the paradigm. What’s the hottest thing right now?
Why are we so obsessed with zombies?
'Cause they're zombies?
They’re scary ‘cause they’re unpredictable! You never know when they’re going to attack. That’s what I want.
You want to do a zombie show? You know, there are actually a couple of really strong zombie scripts.
No! Christ! I’m not saying we “do” zombies. I’m saying we “become” zombies.
We need to be unexpected, startling, dangerous!
And how do you propose we do that?
All right. Start by throwing away the “when.” “When’s the show on?” Doesn’t matter. We’re living in a world where your TV is becoming your computer is becoming your iPad is becoming your phone. When the show’s on is irrelevant. You don’t go, “when’s that YouTube video on?” It’s just on. So, forget the when. Forget “nights” and “time slots” and “lead-ins.”
So, how are people supposed to know when…
Forget the when!
What… what when?
What I mean is, how will they know what’s on? They won’t. That’s the beauty! We’ve got to escape the tyranny of the schedule. Get rid of all of it!
Jesus. Didn’t see that coming.
From now on, we program anything at any time. Comedy, drama, reality… mix it the fuck up. Maybe one night, four hours all about bees!
Bees! The next day, people will be all, “Did you see that fucking thing about the bees?” The sheer balls of it!
Uh, help me out here. What are the bees doing? Are they funny bees? Are they killer bees? Do they have a talent?
I don’t know. Who gives a shit? They’re bees. They’ll do whatever bees do. The point is, people are gonna tune in to find out what the hell we’re doing next. It’s total water cooler. Oh! And everything’s live.
The bees are live?
Maybe! How fucking great would that be? People, we got to throw away the rules. Like, who says one show has to end before another one can start?
How do you… wait. What now?
Okay, say you’re in the middle of some cooking show. This woman’s cooking and cooking, and all of a sudden, the bad guy from one of our dramas runs in with a fucking gun and holds her fucking hostage! Meanwhile, she has no idea what the fuck is happening!
The actual woman from the cooking show doesn’t know?
Right! She’s like, “aah§ What the fuck is happening?!” And people are tweeting and twittering… “You got to watch this! Turn it on! Turn it on!” Then, one of the cops from the drama runs in and shoots him… I mean, actually shoots him.
We’re shooting one of our actors?
So we’ll have to pay him more. You know there are actors who will do it. So we shoot him, then the police run in and it’s news. Then we cut to our news guy. That’s when our news show starts. We make the news, then we report the news, and no one’s gonna report it before us because we’re the only ones who know what’s going to happen. It’s TV for a new century. And that’s why they’re gonna watch us and not the other guys. How about that, my zombies?!
So he was crazy.
This scene was motherfucking brilliant.